A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You're like the curious george of whores
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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