i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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