I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
