11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
