Welp...herpes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
