I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
