when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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