Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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