Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
