the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize