Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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