It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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