I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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