Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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