Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
