sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
how do you play pong handcuffed?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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