I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
