it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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