sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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