these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
