yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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