I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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