A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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