I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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