Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
