it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
