Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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