Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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