He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
