Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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