Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
