if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
