you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
