we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
