Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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