this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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