You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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