Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
