things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
