Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
