Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
