I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
