i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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