he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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