living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I FOUND THE LEGS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
