i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
