You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
