I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
