it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
