I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
