ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
