he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
