Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
