he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
