Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Damn victory sex feels great
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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