umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
