were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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