i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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