not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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