Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Less talking, more tequila
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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