3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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