every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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