We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
