THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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