Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
im on a boat
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