Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
