yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
