but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
