I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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