In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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