My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize