Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
