I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
