Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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