I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
