I think my fart just growled at me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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