If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
