I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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