Barsexuality is the new black.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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