At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize