just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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