I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
