No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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