i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
