I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Someone shit on the floor
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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