First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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