Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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