So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
time to smoke my breakfast
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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