the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
