So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
