hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
