New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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