I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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